|Posted by rjagilbert on July 18, 2015 at 12:30 AM||comments (0)|
I grew up thinking that the world was full of buried treasure—that just about every town had its own secret shipwreck story or a hidden cache of gold somewhere up in the mountains just beyond the city limits. It was not so much because I’d read too many Hardy Boy mysteries or watched too much Treasure Island and the Goonies, but because, growing up in the mountains of Oregon, there were more local legends of buried treasure, lost mines, and sunken treasure-ships than a kid could ever hope to keep straight. I mean, even Oregon’s own Crater Lake National Park features a famous, real-life search for lost gold within its origins story. Having heard my fair share of local treasure-hunt stories featuring coded maps and cryptic clues, it was only natural to assume that I might encounter something of the sort in real life.
That was back in the 1980s, when REM was a popular band and “Stand” was just another one of their hits. Or was it? To a kid who grew up hearing about puzzling markers in the woods and maps that lead to treasure, the lyrics to that odd song sounded like exactly what I heard them to be: clues. I mean, really, couldn’t that line about “If bushes were trees, the trees would be falling” be meant to guide some special treasure hunter to a particular location somewhere in the world where bushes might be falling if they were trees?
I’m sure it sounds silly to others that I thought such things, and of course, there never was any treasure found by following that song. It was all my own false assumptions. But the idea—the embarrassing memory of my friends reacting to my absurd theory—still reminds me of how easy it is for people to be led astray by false assumptions about what they expect something to be.
…Take the Bible, for example.
I recently heard a statistic from a theology professor that 85% of the Bible is about the salvation story. That leaves 15% for all the other stuff people might think can be found between Genesis and Revelation. Really? Eighty-five percent? How is that so? Does everybody out there agree with that statistic? Certainly I don’t.
When I read the Bible, the passages that deal with “salvation” seem, at least to me, to be few and far between. Even reading through the Gospels, there is just so much more that Jesus taught than merely answering the age-old question of “What must I do to be saved?” Could it be that the 85% is more a reflection of what those theologians are looking for within the Bible than it is an accurate measurement of the Bible’s contents?
Of course, my own findings could be just as much a reflection of my own expectations. You see, I was born into a home with a fear of hell so strong I prayed the sinner’s prayer every morning on the way to school…just in case I didn’t live to say it again at my nightly prayer-time. I went to Sunday School on Sundays and a Christian elementary school five days every week. I knew those Bible stories inside and out…or so I thought. My childhood was not fore-ordained to be one of cloistered body or mind, and by the time I had matured into a young man, a lot of what I had learned from my Christian upbringing just plain didn’t make sense anymore.
At this point in my life, I could have done what a lot of people do and just walked away from Christianity. I didn’t have that option, though. I had experienced enough of the spiritual world to know that there was something real, something true, in the teachings of Jesus. But what the mainstream Christian industry was selling me was not it. Not by a long shot.
I know a lot of people who let other people tell them what is in the Bible. It makes sense, I suppose, to let the pastors, the best-selling authors, the musicians on the radio and the smart-looking men on television tell us what the Bible says and what it means. But one day, I opened the Bible to read it and something amazing happened: it spoke to me. It told me something that I had never heard before. Something no other theologian had ever told me was in there. This experience was followed up by others—other moments where the scriptures literally “spoke” to me. Suddenly I was in a whole new world. Not the world where I’d show up at church on Sunday and let the Pastor give me “God’s message” for the week. Suddenly God was speaking directly to me. And it was changing my life.
How, then, to convey this life-changing phenomenon to others? Here I was, filled with passion and energy and joy, wanting to pass it on to others, but not knowing how? At the same time, I was confronted with mainstream (or at least denominationally mainstream) theological beliefs that I did not agree with. How could I address these disagreements without sounding like just another fanatic who was convinced that his own way was “right” and everybody else was wrong?
One day, walking home from work, I stumbled across a solution. The illustration of the Bible and the map began to form in my mind, and thus I discovered the beginning and theme for my first Tales of Vantoria adventure, the Sarian’s Sword.
What would you do if you found an old map? More to the point: what would you expect? Where would you expect the map to lead you? What would you expect to find at the end of your search? And what would you do if you discovered, after all the time you spent searching, that the map had all along meant to lead you to something completely, wonderfully different than what you had expected?
|Posted by rjagilbert on February 7, 2015 at 2:30 PM||comments (0)|
One of the most harrowing sections of Interstate 5 is the Siskiyou Summit, a long, winding stretch of highway that rises up into the rugged mountains south of Ashland, Oregon. It is not uncommon for the summit to be covered in cloud, with mist so thick it is hard to see the taillights in front of you or the curving lanes in the road ahead until you are almost on top of them. It was one such ascent, into the thickest cloud I had ever experience, that I drove with white knuckles amongst the usual swarm of motorized humanity. Nearing the top, hemmed in by truck trailers, I came very suddenly upon a small, red Oldsmobile travelling twenty miles an hour slower than the speed limit. I sought for a way around this hazard in front of me, but to no avail. As the looming semi to my right tried to make its way past in its own lane, this little sedan swerved recklessly out of its lane, causing the trucker to veer onto the shoulder and my own blood pressure to skyrocket.
Furious, I slammed on my brakes and cursed the driver ahead of me. As traffic swerved around me from behind, I found myself trapped behind what I envisioned to be some old man or a drunk who had no business up there on top of that mountain. Then my wife said, “He’s just lost.” Suddenly, my perspective changed.
It did not matter what was wrong with the driver in front of me. What mattered was that we both needed to get safely out of that cloud and down that mountain. And as the last of the pack of passers disappeared into the fog ahead, I realized that there was only one person left to show this lost driver the way: me.
Taking advantage of the momentarily clear freeway, I zipped my own little car around the slow-moving sedan. Instead of shaking my fist, honking, or racing ahead like the others, however, I pulled in front and matched my speed to the veering car behind me. Then I began tapping my brakes, hoping he was sober enough to spot my flashing, red brake lights in the thick fog that surrounded us. Having learned to drive in the mountains of Southern Oregon, I knew how to drive in this kind of fog, and it was less difficult for me to keep my headlights trained on the white lane indicator ahead of me than it was to keep track of the balking motorist behind. But somehow, we did it. At some point, the driver realized that I was easier to follow than his own diminished view of the road ahead, and he fell in behind me. Faster traffic sped past us on the left, but we remained in the slower lane, with me travelling only as fast as the car behind could keep up with me. Twenty minutes later, we descended safely out from the cloud. Imagine my surprise when the little red sedan, having regained its senses, suddenly swerved around me and sped away down the highway in the clear, blue daylight.
I am reminded of this adventure when I read on the internet so many comments that condemn and belittle those who are “lost”. Folks, there is no merit in speeding past them, shaking your fist at them for slowing your own progress, veering into your lane, or generally making your own journey more harrowing than you’d like. They’re just lost. They need to be guided out of that cloud. They need to have somebody show them where the lane is in front of them so they can keep to it themselves. They need to be shown “the way”.
In ancient China, a philosopher wrote a book about “the way”; it remains one of the most popular books in Eastern Philosophy because of its wisdom and guidance. Jesus even referred to “the way” in his teachings, and Christians first called their new belief system “the way” before it was more commonly named “Christianity”. History shows, however, that even Christianity has lost the “way” from time to time. When that happens, the best solution is not to damn to an eternity of hell those who stumble, nor to demand that they conform once again to a legalistic adherence that may be just as far off course as those who are stumbling. The best action is to show the way by living it.
There is no escaping the lost. You can’t just swerve around them and speed away to avoid them. I’ve lived amongst the lost all my life, and there have been times when even I have been amongst their numbers. What they need, most of them, is for somebody to keep pace with them while showing them the way to go. That is exactly what Jesus taught his disciples to do.
There is no use damning the lost either. Everybody swerves out of the lane from time to time. Everybody drives too fast or too slow sometimes. But there is an ideal. There is a center of each lane, and there is a posted speed for that lane. Most of us, knowing that ideal, are blessed when we strive to adhere to it as best we can. And those who share the road with us are blessed when we give grace to they who might be deviating a little bit into our lane or riding our bumper a little too close. After all, is that not what Jesus taught?
However, there are those who are beyond lost; they require a different kind of treatment. They are the ones who, on a clear and sunny day, swerve and veer all over the highway regardless of the painted lanes or the posted speeds. They don’t care what the way is, because they want to do it their own way. They think that, if the majority wants the speed limit to be raised, they can do so without consequences (those old people who can’t drive the new speed need to just get off the road). They might have learned how to turn left in Mexico (from the right lane), or how to drive while texting on their cell phone (which is illegal in most states these days), and even though their driving causes chaos on the road around them, they insist that they have the right to express themselves in that way. Despite what they say, they obviously care nothing for those around them; their idea of social interaction is a blend of pre-school and daycare politics where sharing is taking and relationships are merely positioning themselves to gain the most from their alliances. Those people aren’t looking for the way. These people are not lost. They are dangerous.
Why are they dangerous? Because they want to change the way. They want to make others follow their own way. They want to repaint the lanes, re-post the speed limits, and if it makes life difficult for others who are trying to share the highway, they want to force those people off the road. These are the people who, posing as teachers of the “way”, have infiltrated the local highway authority and created a far greater threat to travelers than a dark cloud upon the summit.
Jesus described these people as wolves in sheep’s clothing. They are the ones who get their books published with the large publishing houses—not because their teachings are sound and strengthening, but because they sound good and will sell well. They are the ones who cling to the “Jesus is love” teaching while all the while draining the life from out of their enemies. They are the ones who insist that they are doing no harm, while all the while creating chaos and confusion all around them. And they are the ones who get listened to. They have the web sites, the television shows, the best-selling books, and the radio ministries.
What do I have? My own life.
As an independent author, one who follows only what the Spirit shows me through my own personal experience with what I trust is my Creator speaking to me, I do not have the power within me to confront those false prophets. All I can do is show the way to those who are seeking it. I cannot out-shout, out-advertise, or out-preach those whose resources seem limitless because all of the World is behind them. The only thing I can do is hope that somewhere, somebody is listening to the voice of the Spirit within themselves when it points them toward me and instructs them to follow me down the mountain.
A friend of mine once stated that, when Jesus said we will know his disciples by their fruit, the fruit he was talking about was more disciples. I must ask, though, if that validates the ways of Islam, since they have managed to gain so many followers in recent decades by means of persecution and fear. Was that not the same way in which the Catholic Church gained so many converts in the middle-ages? And did not those converts, not wholly embracing the teachings of Christ, succeed in corrupting the Church far more than it did in converting them to the “way”? No, I say, that is not a good measurement of one’s fruit. Instead, I look at Abraham. He was promised a nation, yet at the end of his life, he had only one son. What he did have, however, was a personal relationship with God all through his life. God would show up at the door to his tent, and Abraham would invite Him in to tea. And God prospered Abraham’s life, not with wealth or with followers, but with the presence of God. To this day, billions of people want to be a part of his nation. They want to follow his way. They want to be one of his people.
As I write this, my phone rings again and again with the calls of children who do not belong to me. It is a Saturday, late in August, and the kids in my neighborhood are bored. They do not want to be home, alone while the parents work or nap. They want to be at my house. Why? Because my house has life in it. Because my house has parents who like to play Minecraft and Pokemon and sometimes slip a little bit of “school” into the conversation. My house is not just the place where they can come to get cookies and pop-sickles, it is the place where a kid can feel safe to talk about the things that are bothering them without threat of a lecture (unless, of course, I’ve had too much caffeine, which is why I’m even writing right now). My wife is the one who the neighbor girl comes to talk about the serious issues that she is afraid to discuss with her own mother. When my son’s friends want to talk about drugs or alcohol, they ask me for my opinion absent the presence of a Sunday school classroom or my role as teacher. And when my family goes on adventures around town, we take those children with us. It’s not just babysitting. We know that we are showing the next generation the “way.”
A few years ago, my wife and I began arguing over whose fault it was to forget the camera on our way to a local waterfall. In the stillness between angry words, a young voice came from the back seat: “Are you guys going to get a divorce now?” It was the boy next door, who had seen his own parents split apart by similar fighting. In the years since then, he has come to understand that there is a “way” that can avoid divorce, and that our marriage is following it. The fruit that he sees is not that he has “converted” to our way. It is not the wealth or success that our faith has brought us; he still compares his family’s own wealth to our relatively modest little house and older-style lifestyle (although we do have four computers hooked up to the LAN that we use to play together). What he does see is our happiness. It is our marriage—still intact despite the storms—compared to the broken home from which he would rather not spend his Saturday. It is our children, wise despite their youth and smart enough to help their contemporaries with both homework and personal problems. It is a way of life, a people to which he wants to belong. And yes, it is also the fact that I am flawed, that I sometimes have to ask forgiveness from my wife and back down from my argument—to turn away from the shoulder of the road and seek the center of the lane that will carry all of us safely down the mountain.
I don’t have to ask these kids to come over. I don’t have to ask anybody to follow me. They want to follow me. Because they can see that I know the way.
Or at least, they can see that I’m trying to follow the way much better than those who keep veering all over the road.
|Posted by rjagilbert on September 1, 2014 at 4:45 PM||comments (0)|
How many of you know the story from the Bible where Mary and Martha invited Jesus over for a meal? Mary was listening as Jesus taught, while Martha was busy with other things. When Martha confronted Mary for not helping with the food, Jesus told her that what he was teaching was more important. Here’s the real question: what was Jesus teaching there? What did he say? It wasn’t written down. Why? Obviously somebody had the presence of mind to document the event. But what was important to him? The idea that we should listen to Jesus. And yet, by not recording what it was that Jesus said, the entire story is hypocritical. Do you really think Jesus is pleased that we choose to listen to him over other distractions, yet we cannot remember what it was he said? Sadly, that is the way I’ve found it with so many people who say they are following the teachings of Jesus.
Many years ago, my wife and I were teaching a middle-school Bible study class that focused on the story of David and Abigail. I tend to go off-curriculum when I teach, so I wound up following up the “authorized” version of the story by reading the rest of it from my Bible. Suddenly one of the boys in class spoke up. “Did you just say David married Abigail?”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “He took her as his own wife after her husband died.”
“But then she died, right?”
“Eventually,” I answered, not sure what he meant by the question.
“But I thought David married Bathsheba.”
“He did,” I confirmed.
“So did he marry Bathsheba after Abigail died?”
Uh oh. Realizing that I had wandered into one of those “veiled” sections of the Bible that some parents might not like me teaching to their kids, I tried to explain as simply as possible. “Well, David actually had several wives,” I said. Then I read straight from the passage of scripture that ends that particular Bible story—those verses that very clearly explain how, after his first wife, Michal, was given to another man, David married several other women.
“At the same time?” the youth asked. Then, seeing me nod my head, he said loudly, “Then he was a sinner!”
What was odd about the statement was that it came from a young man who had been born and raised in the church, attended Sunday school almost every week of his entire life, and claimed to have read the Bible through at least once. Yet here he was confused by the sudden realization that David was, among other things, a polygamist. Was that not a key plot point throughout the books of Samuel and Kings? Was there not chapter after chapter of troubles that David had because of all the wives he took? How could this young reader have missed it?
Then again, was he just reading to find the answers he had already been told to look for? Did somebody tell him that the Bible was just “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth” and so whatever he read that did not apply to the Gospel of Salvation he just ignored? Did somebody tell him “David was a man after God’s own heart” and so anything he read that proved contrary just didn’t register in his mind? The murders. The lust. The adultery. The political intrigue and the lies. The very blatant violation of Moses’ orders to establish the places of worship on certain mountains throughout the nation (which I personally suspect was a political move on David’s part to consolidate power over the scattered and divided people by bringing their focus of worship into his own “possession” within his newly-established capitol)? Is that something that most “Christians” just don’t see or question because they have been trained to look for nothing more than just the “rice or Chow Mein?” (And since I know the accusation is going to be made, dear reader, I must ask: Can you really consolidate this paragraph into a single statement of being “for” or “against”?)
When I read the Bible, I read it to understand what it says. When I’m given a single verse to read, I like to read the entire chapter surrounding that verse to get an idea of the context in which it was written. I don’t shy away from long paragraphs or long-winded “rants”, and I don’t pass judgment on writers who take “too long” to get to the point. Yet the more I write, and the more it is dismissed by readers who are not willing to “listen”, the more I have to wonder about the teachings of Jesus that were NOT written down. Think about it. How many Christians claim to have read the whole Bible through in a year? Jesus spoke and taught for three years. And yet, if one were to read all that Jesus said throughout the four Gospels, it would take less than a day. Did he just repeat himself over and over again? Did he have a lot of interruptions? “Yes, Martha, I’d like some more coffee, thank you.” A Christian cannot possibly insist that the New Testament contains all that Jesus taught to his disciples and then go spend two hours a week, every week of the year, in church listening to a pastor teach them far, far more than what is written in the Bible. Either it is accepted that much of Jesus’ words were never written down, or it is accepted that Jesus was one of the quietest, most reserved men in the history of mankind—so reserved that it must have driven him mad to want to heal, teach, rebuke, and correct more than just the few religious leaders and sinners of Judea.
Here’s a good example of how well the people in Jesus’ time listened—even to someone they believed to be their “Messiah”. Matthew 19 tells a story of a man who asks Jesus a simple question: “What must I do to be saved?” Clearly he wanted a “Rice or Chow Mein” answer. Jesus did not give him one. In fact, what was written down at this point was probably only the gist of what Jesus really unloaded onto the poor fellow. In the end, the man went away unhappy because he was not given the answer he had been looking for. It probably took too long to get to the point, didn’t agree with the young man’s political view, and possibly volunteered a whole bunch of details like “By the way, Aristotle is wrong about the idea that the world is made of four elements. The old atoms theory is actually more along the lines of how God’s creation really works.” In a nutshell, it was not what this rich man wanted to hear.
So here comes the crux of the matter. What did Jesus’ pupils miss? And what did we, not having those teachings written down, miss? The answer is: nothing. The Bible points the way for every person on this earth to have their own personal teachings from Jesus in the form of the Holy Spirit. Jesus gave us this gift shortly after he ascended into the heavens. Each and every Christian who asks Christ’s Spirit into their heart has access to the teachings of Jesus from the Holy Spirit. But how many of us really listen to that still, small voice within us? How many of us actually go through life asking Jesus to speak to us, to teach us, and to answer our questions with more than just a “Rice or Chow Mein” answer?
In my experience, the Holy Spirit speaks to everyone. Those who have not asked Jesus into their heart may even hear the Spirit trying to reach them—but they do not have a clue what it is that they are experiencing. Sadly, many more who have asked Jesus into their lives still don’t listen to the Spirit when it talks to them. They may read the Bible through once every year, and they may never fall asleep in the pews on Sunday, but they go through most of their lives never stopping to wonder what God might be trying to teach them in a more personal way.
The more I understand about human nature, the more I understand that the few words of Jesus that were written down were the topics his audience was looking for. Life after death. Forgiveness of sins. Deliverance from Rome. Rice or Chow Mein. What else might Jesus have taught in those years that just didn’t seem “important” to his followers? What meanings do you suppose we might be able to glean from his sermons had his listeners not wanted to just hang on to the “blessed are those” parts?
Alas, though, most of what Jesus taught his disciples on a daily basis is lost to us, because, like me, he took too long to get to the point. Those who approached him asked simple questions: What must I do to get into heaven? What is the greatest commandment? He answered with long paragraphs and strange illustrations that wandered far from the original question of “rice or Chow Mein”. Unable to follow him on his “rant”, the listeners often went away sad, or disgusted, or convinced that they were more clever than that rambling, water-walking idiot.
And so it goes even today. People want an easy answer. They want to spend twenty three-and-a-half hours a day doing what they want, then be handed the truth to them in a format that fits into that one half-hour they carved out of their busy schedule. And when the truth does not fit into their format, they dismiss it as wrong. But who is the real fool? He who seeks the truth, or he who has convinced himself that the truth lies within the confines of a “Rice or Chow Mein” answer?
|Posted by rjagilbert on August 23, 2014 at 4:40 PM||comments (0)|
I pulled up to the drive-thru at the local Panda Express and spoke into the box. “I’d like an orange chicken bowl with fried rice,” I said, “And a second bowl of…”
“Do you want a panda bowl with rice?” the young woman interrupted from the speaker.
Confused by her question, I repeated my order. “Yes, a panda bowl with orange chicken.”
“Do you want a Panda bowl with rice or Chow Mein?” she repeated.
“Rice,” I said again. “And with Orange chicken as the entrée.”
“Okay,” she said. “So I have a panda bowl with rice and what would you like as the entrée?”
In the passenger seat, my wife muttered out loud, “Seriously?”
“I’m sorry,” the young woman stated, “I didn’t get that.”
I repeated the order one last time. “Yes. That is a panda bowl with a side of rice and orange chicken.”
I paused to see if she would repeat me, but she only asked, “Is that everything?”
“I’d also like a mushroom chicken bowl with Chow Mein,” I added.
She stopped me before I could finish. “Okay, so you want another panda bowl with rice or Chow Mein?”
Now I understand that there is a process to how Panda Express puts an order together. They start with a side of either fried rice or Chow Mein, then add the entrées to the top. But is it really so impossible to fathom an order through the drive thru that doesn’t follow that sequence? Especially since the menu in front of me listed my options as “Bowl of one entrée and one side”? Why can’t I list the entrée before the side?
When I was a young man, I worked drive thru just like her. I learned very quickly how to assemble an entire order in my mind before entering it in to the register. I know it is possible. Maybe the young woman was trying to train me (and all her drive-thru patrons) how to give her my order, but certainly she can’t expect to be successful in conforming the entire local population of potential customers to her method? Is it not easier to learn how to listen?
Many years ago, I called into a radio station with an opinion that was not perfectly aligned to either side of the two opposing views that were duking it out over the airwaves. When I started to share my two cents, the radio host cut me off and asked, “are you for or against?” That was it. He didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He only wanted to hear me say one of two things. With or against. Black or white. Rice or Chow Mein.
That, right there, is the crux of the bigger problem. How many of us say we listen, but we really don’t want to hear what the speaker is saying. How many of us are just listening for what we want to hear: rice or chow mein? Seahawks or Fourty-Niners? Democrat or Republican? For or against whatever the issue being discussed? I suppose it’s the same kind of frustration you might get from filling out an online survey that never gives you the opportunity to leave a comment. They just want you to select answer A, B, C, or D. The closest you get to sharing your own customer experience are the five bullets to select from between “Extremely satisfied” and “Extremely dissatisfied”. I have to ask: is the company that employs such a survey really listening to its customers?
When I write up an email or a blog, it is usually longer than just the few sentences it would take to express my alignment for or against an issue. Usually I have an explanation for why I think the way I do, and usually it is not just “Go Seahawks!” or “I want Chow Mein!” Often I anticipate an argument against my point, and so I take the time to provide additional evidence to strengthen my position. Imagine how annoyed I might get when my opinion is criticized as a “rant” because it is longer than the one sentence of “for” or “against” that the reader wants to read.
The first draft of this “rant” concluded with a saying I like to use to illustrate how people judge based on trivial variables such as the way a man dresses at a sporting event. Unfortunately, when my wife proofread the piece, she told me that I had lost the reader’s attention when I “changed the subject to football”. That, in a nutshell, explains the feeble-mindedness of mankind. If I take too long to illustrate the idea, if I use too many illustrations that don’t “match up” in the reader’s mind with the topic they think they are reading about, then I’ve lost them. If it’s not what they expect to read, if it doesn’t take them to the conclusion they are already looking for, then it is I who am guilty of “wandering” with my topic. How many times have I been told that (or made to feel like) my message is not important simply because it is not what the reader wants to focus on? Never is it the reader who is guilty of not listening to what I am trying to say. It is always me who is guilty of being “unimportant”.
The saying I used goes like this: If you don’t wear a cheese on your head when you walk into a Packers game, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, you are rooting for the other team. It doesn’t matter how loud you cheer or whether you painted your chest green and yellow beneath your neutral-colored sweater. You have already been judged, and you are “against”. That’s how it is, though. People don’t really want to gather information. They don’t want to have to pay attention. They don’t want to do the leg-work through too many unfamiliar paragraphs. They already know what they are looking for, and if they don’t get it—and fast—then nothing else matters.
I can write my sentences short. I can edit it down to a few paragraphs. I can say it again and again with a thousand different illustrations, always trying to get it just right so that the reader can understand the message I am trying to convey. Is it really fair to say that I am not communicating clearly when the reader gets the wrong idea by looking for the “for” or “against” argument that is not there? It is not me who is speaking ill or poorly. It is the reader.
They’re not really listening.
They’re not really looking for truth.
They might as well just be asking for “Rice or Chow Mein.”
|Posted by rjagilbert on June 7, 2014 at 1:40 PM||comments (0)|
If I have no breath in Heaven, let these bitter words now be said.
For someday, I know, I’ll stand before the judgment of the dead.
And many will say, “Lord, Lord, did we not do great things on Earth for You?”
Yet I will stand in silence as He answers, “You are Who?”
Then, when it is my turn to stand before the mighty throne,
I will not speak, as to a friend, but as a wretched soul, alone.
“Lord, all my life I sought You,” I will say, “Did You seek me?
I tried to walk your path, follow your teachings, and be free.
And all along the way I found men hungry, naked, cold.
I dared to try to clothe them, feed them, keep them in Your fold.
Yet here you stand, saying to all, how those in want were You.
My life, you flash before me, damned for what I didn’t do.
Rewind the tape, Lord, if you will to where I found You in need.
See how I tried to comfort you, but had no strength to succeed?
See how I cried out myself for help, for God above to show the way?
Yet no help came, and so, alone, I failed every day.
See, now, Oh Lord, how often this has happened in my life?
Where I, trying to do Your will, have waded into strife.
But all I have to show are wounds I gained along the way.
There was no victory for me in You, just a heavy price to pay.
For Lord, my trust is shattered—in You, in God, in faith.
I listened for Your Spirit but You sent the Lying Wraith.
How many of Your servants has it led to fail and die?
How many of us asked but never heard the answer why?
Did You not come dwell with Abram here on Earth from time to time?
Though he never saw Your promise kept, he knew You were divine.
But what do I have, Lord, to show for all my years of strife,
As I stand before You looking back at my short and fruitless life?
How can I know Your will, Lord, if You never showed it to me?
How can I know Justice, Love, Honor, Truth, or mercy,
If You never stepped low to show it to me before my death?
Then, Lord, it is You whom I condemn with my final, gasping breath.”
If I have no breath in Heaven, let these bitter words be spoken
Would that I knew He hears them and knows how much I am broken.
Lord, am I not the Bride of Christ? You asked and I said yes.
I’m already committed, should I not also be blessed?
I feel as though our plans to wed have brought the enemy,
While you, so legalistic, still insist that You are free?
And while I take the blows and arrows of Satan for this ring,
You sow your oats, not yet my Groom, like I don’t yet mean a thing.
When does Your vow take place, Lord, when do You set down and stay?
Marriage used to start the moment both agreed in the old day.
Now here you are, insisting, that the priest has not yet spoken.
You’ve planned the feast, invited guests, yet no promises are broken.
Am I not Your bride, Lord, not some snarling, female whelp?
Dear Husband, I don’t mean to nag, but I really need your help.
If I have no breath in Heaven, when you tally up my debt,
May my words now be my defense tho my destiny is set.
For how could I hope to know the truth in a world so ruled by lies
Where You, now crowned its king, have always ruled it in disguise?
I followed You. I served You. I thought your teachings wise.
Yet where did your path lead me? Failure. Foolishness. Demise.
The world thought me a mad man; how could they be disproved.
When every act to show You to them left me looking like the rube.
I spoke the words you asked me to, did deeds as You demanded.
The world resisted, fought me hard, my actions reprimanded.
My health was robbed while I was young, yet onward I strode in your name.
None saw my endurance as inspiration, only saw and mocked my shame.
I prospered from Your wisdom, Lord. I tried to share it with the lost.
They took the wealth they wanted, but your wisdom—that they tossed.
And in my hour of need, as I was robbed of all I’d earned,
You never came to my defense. You left me doubting what I’d learned.
Now here before the throne I stand with nothing for myself to say.
My life a debt you now demand; I’ve nothing left that I can pay.
And yet, there is another debt. A debt built up from doubt.
For though you shine in all your glory, I still haven’t figured out
Why in all the years I sought you, tried to have you in my life
By the end, I still don’t know you. All I’ve known is doubt and strife.
And I can’t help but speak for these other souls–all the ones you’ve thrown to the flame.
Did you hide from them like you hid from me? Are you truly the one to blame?
Were we all to watch our lives unfold again—the darkness, the despair—
Inevitably, the moment each of us cried out to you…did you ever show you cared?
Not with laws. Not with religions. Not with Sunday Morning rites.
But a real, close up relationship with those deep in the fight.
If I have no breath in Heaven, this You must first understand.
If You throw any of us to the flames, then You, also, are damned.
|Posted by rjagilbert on May 25, 2014 at 4:15 PM||comments (0)|
I used to be GAY…
But then those who did not understand changed its meaning.
I used to be CHRISTIAN…
But then those who did not understand changed its meaning.
I used to love ART and the THEATER and the FREEDOM OF SPEECH…
But then those who did not understand changed their meanings.
I used to love my MISTRESS…
But then those who did not understand changed its meaning.
I used to be MARRIED…
But then, just last week, those who did not understand changed its meaning.
How much longer can FREEDOM last…
If those who do not understand have the power to change its meaning?
|Posted by rjagilbert on May 17, 2014 at 9:55 AM||comments (0)|
Many years ago I heard the story of a musician who had joined up with one of those Satanic rock groups that were so successful back in the eighties. For a time he went right along with the show, doing all those nasty things you might have heard those kinds of rock bands doing for the sake of “the show”. And he was successful. But one day, while he was away with the band, two Jehovah’s Witnesses stopped by his house and gave his wife a book. (It may seem odd to you that he had a wife, but remember, many of those hellish bands were really just a bunch of college-educated musicians who were trying to make a living with what was popular at the time.) When he came home that evening, she told him about her day and the book the two Witnesses had given her. She picked it up and offered it to him. He reached for it, but before his hand could come near something yanked the book out of his wife’s fingers and threw it across the room, slamming it loudly against the wall. The two were so startled by the event—especially by the supernatural aspect of it—that the musician immediately quit the band, changed his lifestyle, and began reading the book that “something” had so vehemently tried to discourage him from reading.
I was reminded of this story the other day when I read in Acts chapter 19 where a group of men had a rather bad run-in with a demon-possessed man. Rather than flee like they expected, the critter turned and fought, whiping the poor saps quite soundly. But this was not a victory for the demon. When the people around this demon-possessed man saw the evil power that had taken control of him, they realized that they had been playing with that power themselves. They promptly burned their own magical implements, their scrolls and paraphernalia that might bring themselves into the same situation as that poor soul who was so deeply under the devil’s thumb.
I have had my own run-ins with the supernatural in my own life. They don’t generally make you want to go back to pop culture and pretend the world is a safe, scientifically proven kind of place. But what really irks me is how many people I encounter who are involved in supernatural battles but have no idea. For often the devil is too smart to make an open, obvious show of his force. In fact, if you are reading this, the chances are that there is a demonic presence right now working to “throw the book across the room” to keep you from reading it.
The book I am talking about is my writing. I can’t say which work in specific, or even if it isn’t the odd blogs I sometimes post (or try to post, since my web page server is not the most conducive to posting more than a paragraph). I can tell you that, when I printed my first big shipment of Men of Renown, the entire shipment was lost in a train wreck on the way across the continent. I had ordered the delivery so I would have stock to sell at my first big holiday bazaar, and though the package was guaranteed and I eventually received it, I ended up sitting at a table with only about three books to sell. That has pretty much been par for the course when it comes to my writing and publishing experiences.
When I did receive my larger shipment of Men of Renown, I started giving them away. I don’t know how many times I’ve asked for recipients to let me know how they liked it or maybe even post a review online. Imagine how frustrating it must feel to have recipient after recipient tell you, “I haven’t had time to read it,” amid a time of fellowship in which they share with you all the other “distractions” that have come into their lives (including other fantasy books) that they have spent their time on. And each of them assumes that they are the only one who “does not have time” to read my work. Ironically enough, the entire situation is illustrated beautifully within that very book, when Saph tells Jared that the notice posted on the tavern wall is “insignificant”. Is that not what the voices (maybe they aren’t hearing voices, but I picked up that saying after a really lousy doctor started insisting that I was hearing voices when I was not) are saying about me and my work? Am I wrong to see a pattern? Does each and every one of them think they are the only ones to have something wrestle the book out of their hands? Would that the devil just throw it across the room and let them know how much he does not want them to read it!
If you are reading this, and if you have gone so far as to consider reading one of my works, know this. There are forces out there who do not want you to. There are forces who have worked very, very hard for the past twenty years to make me invisible to the world. First they fought against my submissions to the conventional publishing world. Then they fought against my own computer, internet connection, and even my login abilities to the independent publishing world. Files were deleted for no reason, uploads corrupted, and at one point I had to work from my daughter’s computer because “something” just didn’t want to talk with Createspace on my own workstation. Then something fought me physically, wrecking the train, my car, my house, and even attacking my family. It turned to my church, which now lies in a shambles and which my children are afraid of ever returning to. And now, now that I have done everything I can do to put my writing into your hand, something is doing everything—well, maybe not throwing your tablet across the room, but just about everything—to stop you from reading it. Right now they are telling you that I am delusional and arrogant. They are telling you I am a nobody. They are telling you that you don’t have time for another book (but then something is going to urge you to click to another page where you will acquire two or three more books that you for some reason have plenty of time to read.) And of course, as is always the case, they are telling you I am crazy.
Maybe, just maybe, they are doing all of this because what I have written, though perhaps not the best writing in the world, is actually worth reading.
|Posted by rjagilbert on March 3, 2014 at 9:55 PM||comments (0)|
(If the online publishing sites that feature my book would allow a message from the author, this is what I would say.)
Dear prospective reader,
I did not write this book to sell it. I wrote it because I wanted people to read it. It is a story about priorities—about two contrasting definitions of success. Saph must choose how to measure his success. Will he define himself by the wealth, power, fame, and glory like his kinfolk? Or will he join with an obscure old hermit who was mocked by all who knew him? A hermit who has since become one of the most famous heroes of our time—one who is remembered best not for what he did, but for what he gave to the next generation.
I can’t make you read this book. I can’t make anybody read this book. God knows I’ve done my best; I’ve given copies to friends, relatives, strangers, and church members, but beyond putting the book in their hand, there is nothing I can do to force them to read it.
I would love to hear reviews from those who have read this book. There have been a few, from the friend who told me “Excellent page-turner” in an email or the young man who verbally expressed his disappointment with the way the story ended. But most of all, the basic review I have been given over and over again is, “I’ve been too busy. I haven’t gotten around to reading your book.”
This book was written for two men, neither of whom has read it. Both have copies sitting somewhere on their bookshelves, but both have admitted to me that they don’t have time to read it. I know them both well enough to know that they read plenty of other books—bestselling books lauded by the media giants and bookstore publicity machines of this world. (In fact, I know well enough that many of the people to whom I have given this book have read plenty of other books while leaving this one forgotten on the shelf.) Sadly, in the last few years I have seen both of these men suffer through disasters that I’d like to think might have been averted had they heeded the messages I was trying to send them through this book.
What you read controls what you think. What people want you to think dictates what they want you to read. Being an independent thinker has forced me to be an independent writer. My message is not in line with the message being pushed by the media masses. I do not have famous pastors, businessmen, and marketing agencies working for me to promote this book. When I chose to self-publish this work, I thought that I did not need those things, because I was not trying to create an international best-seller. Unfortunately, in a world where readers look to “giants” of leadership to tell them what to read, what to watch, and what to listen to, I have very little chance of being read, seen, or heard by anyone.
I have done my best to put this book into the hands of the people who need to read it, but like I said, I cannot force this generation to read it. Having spent the last few years, having spent more hours and money than I should have on self-promotion, I feel that I know what the true hero of this book must have felt like. In the end, despite all he said, he finally had to give up on trying to make a difference in the world he knew and instead focus his energy on building his own boat. At this point, I think I need to do the same.
|Posted by rjagilbert on December 15, 2013 at 8:15 PM||comments (0)|
Part 6 of the "wrong" armor.
The Demon Armor I address in this work is based on the Biblical “Armor of God” as listed in Ephesians 6. Most Christians are familiar with this passage and the spiritual trends represented. Few Christians, in reality, adhere to these spiritual traits. One or more of them have been replaced by the cursed armor-pieces I discuss here.
The Sword of Condemnation.
Finally we come to the cursed weapon that has conquered civilizations from the dawn of history. Prior to the days of Abraham, Egypt was ruled over not by the soldier class but by the priesthood. Modern-day nations in the Middle East still give power to religious leaders based on the fear of spiritual condemnation.
The ancient, demonic trend of this sword is the assertion: “Conform or die.” I have had it wielded against me as “Fall on your knees and beg for forgiveness,” or “How dare you question the Lord your God!”
External condemnation is different from the condemnation we feel in our hearts when personally confronted by the Holy Spirit. External condemnation is generally political in nature, spoken by one individual to shame another into conformation. “Shame on you for not doing what I think you should do!” In contrast, spiritual condemnation is a shame we need no one to voice because we know we are not doing what we should.
Political condemnation has been historically used to manipulate the masses, although any individual claiming religious authority over another (a husband or parent, for example) is tempted to use it to induce service or conformation. Sadly, this external condemnation often causes its recipient to grow numb to the accusation, eventually rendering the technique ineffective. Over-spanked children and pets often learn to ignore the pain of their punishment and pursue wrongdoing despite the consequences. Over-condemned individuals become hard-hearted in much the same way.
True spiritual condemnation comes from the Holy Spirit, which God has placed in all of us. This condemnation is not a sword wielded for wounding, but a surgical knife used in healing. The Holy Spirit quietly speaks life-giving words straight to our heart. It identifies the spiritual flaws and weaknesses that can and will cripple or kill our ministry. Only then can we begin to cut away at these cancerous regions of our soul.
Unfortunately, the Holy Spirit’s soft words of truth cannot penetrate the defenses of the Demon Armor. The Shield of Legalism aids in excusing any surgical condemnation that might not be deflected by the Helmet of Self-Righteousness’ oblivious denial. This is no way to live. In fact, in the end, this is how this cursed armor destroys its own wearer.
Originally this essay was titled "The Demon Armor," and you will see that I used that term several times throughout. The moniker creates an image of grotesque, horned faces, jagged claws and fangs, bat-like wings, flaming skulls, and a menagerie of other images associated with the “Demons” of old. These creatures, studied but never seen, are better left in the imagination. They are not what I aim to expose. The nature of Demonology I address is not the study of other things which can be blamed for all of humanity’s flaws. Demonology, responsibly taught, is the study of our own human nature. Man does not suffer so much from the claws and tusks of invisible, winged monkeys as he does from the foolishness and the free will of mankind—both his own and those around him.
The demons I reference in this work are the presence of trends that have persisted and proliferated throughout history. They are immortal in that they have outlived all cultures from the dawn of history. They are, in fact, all that remains of the ancient world. They are evil in that they could be attributed for the downfall of each of those cultures in which they proliferated. Despite their destructive nature—and they are destructive—they have never been wiped out. They are formidable foes; though many would strive to defeat them in physical combat, few are willing to face them directly…because they are within us.
I have addressed many (though not all) of Christianity’s faults through this metaphor of Demon Armor. I will not, in this work, try to interpret Paul’s Armor of God for what Paul meant it to be. There are enough works out there that interpret “Breastplate of Righteousness” into modern context that I feel no need to do it here. This work was written mainly as a means to identify that which all true Disciples of Christ should be aware of.
|Posted by rjagilbert on December 11, 2013 at 8:15 PM||comments (1)|
Part 5 of the "wrong" armor.
The Demon Armor I address in this work is based on the Biblical “Armor of God” as listed in Ephesians 6. Most Christians are familiar with this passage and the spiritual trends represented. Few Christians, in reality, adhere to these spiritual traits. One or more of them have been replaced by the cursed armor-pieces I discuss here.
The Shield of Legalism
The way Paul puts it, a warrior hides behind his shield to avoid the “flaming arrows of the evil one.” The Shield of Legalism is hid behind as well; not as an act of bravery in battle, but as a cowardly justification to do evil.
The inscription at the top of this cursed shield dates back to the Garden of Eden, when a certain serpent asked “Did God really say that?” Through the years, it has been re-forged into various assertions.
“Is it not written?”
“Define (adultery, murder, theft, etc.)”
“What is the Hebrew meaning of this word?”
Legalism is the fundamental adherence to the wording of scripture without any consideration to the overall meaning of those words. It places importance not on understanding what God said, but on what man wants God to have said.
Upon the Shield of Legalism is the same crest that is found on the Helmet of Self Righteousness. “God is on my side,” this crest asserts. When used legalistically, it states: “Thou shalt not…unless God is on your side.” Historically, this has been one of the most abused assertions by men of God. David used this assertion when he moved the tabernacle to his political headquarters in Jerusalem (Moses had commanded that the tabernacle be situated on a hilltop in what later became Samaria). Under the title “A Man after God’s own heart” (translated: “God is on my side”), David set the Biblical standard for breaking the Ten Commandments that is still in use today within the Christian Church.
Christians equipped with the Shield of Legalism today are easy to spot in that they often quote one verse of scripture out of context from the rest. Sometimes, an entire book will be written based on one out-of-context scripture. Often these contortions reinforce the false protection offered by the Breastplate of Breakable Promises. Sometimes they are used to conceal the Boots of Ambition. Most often, they enhance the selfish justification within the Helmet of Self-Righteousness.
The law, in favor of evil men, is a terrible thing. The law, in favor of good men, is entirely unnecessary. Good men do what they know God wants them to whether or not the law commands it.
Scripture—any scripture, be it Koran, Torah, Greek myth, the teachings of Buddha or Confucius, or the writings of Paul—must be understood as the message the writer wanted to convey; not as the message the reader wants to hear. When written word becomes a tool for evil, then it can no longer be the Word of God.