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That Ain't Football

Two men met outside the stadium before the big game.

“Man, I know football,” the younger man said proudly. He proceeded to expound his superior knowledge of such things as tailgate parties, game-day parking, and the purchasing of licensed merchandise to display at the game.

The older man shook his head. “That ain’t football,” he said.

The younger man insisted, “I know football.” He then proceeded to elaborate on the operation of the jumbo-tron screens within the stadium, the protocol for finding one’s seat in the stands, and the proper way to signal a vendor from the bleachers.

The older man shook his head. “That ain’t football,” he said.

“Oh, I know football,” the young man insisted for a third time. He began rattling off the names of players who had licensed their names to various products and clothing. He provided an extensive list of the businesses that were endorsed by football athletes—even some of the lesser-known players. He started to list various career statistics for some of the key players in the league.

Again the older man shook his head. “That ain’t football,” he said.

“Man,” the younger man scowled. “You don’t know football, then. What are you doing at the game today?”

The older man answered, “I’m the coach.”

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